It's hard to believe this could be a goal at all, really, showing more respect and appreciation for one's husband, but sadly, it's easy to fall in a rut where negativity snowballs into disdain, disregard and displeasure. This doesn't mean I bow to his every wish, cater to his every little need, or ask for nothing for myself, but rather that I become more aware of the way I am viewing and thinking of him. Specifically, I vowed to be more mindful of what he was saying. If that meant stopping what I was doing so I could concentrate on his words, I did. In some cases, such if I was doing dishes, I would continue, but I met his eyes and watched his face while he talked. By doing this, I was better able to ask questions and understand him and his day than if I listened with one ear while typing on the computer or reading a book. A second way I'm working on respect is by being more aware of the way I talk to him, whether I am asking for a favor or some help or discussing our oldest daughter's curfew or disagreeing with something he's said. There's a way to say almost everything that is still respectful. As far as appreciation goes, I'm working on finding the things he does (rather than the things he doesn't). I've also decided to start a gratitude diary in order to further this goal. I find they really bring in a new atmosphere!
In order to further myself with this goal, I've picked up the book, The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide To Finding Intimacy, Passion and Peace
at Amazon.ca. I was somewhat dubious as I found this referenced many times on many Christian blogs, but the comments made about this book on both the blogs and on Amazon made me want to at least try it. I'm happy to say that it's really not biblical at all, nor is intended exclusively for those with strong religious faith. It's not about putting your husband on a pedestal and catering to his every wish before he even thinks to wish for it, either. In fact, it strongly advocates self-care as a way to be a better wife. I found it had a lot of practical things to say and has made me look at my role as a wife and woman in new light!Surprisingly, spending less time on the computer has been a challenge for me! I mostly go online to connect with others - mom forums, homemaker's blogs, weather, news and research that applies to my family's home and life. I've had good days and bad days. On the good days I get so much more done around my home, and my kids get so much more of me! I can see it's truly an important goal, one which I need to deliberately work on. I've loosely set a schedule where I go on the computer early in the morning (after breakfast for the boys) and last thing at night (when my kitchen is clean and the boys are sleeping), but I tend to go on often in between as well. Maybe I need to start shutting the computer off at 8 am each morning? Gulp. It's probably the only thing to do . . .
Patience. Ah, patience. We have a love hate relationship! I've found myself being more patient lately, and I've realized how intricately interwoven patience is with the rest of my life. If I'm well rested, if the house is in fairly good order (for having so much activity in it all day!), if I keep up our daily routine so I can stay one step ahead of the kids' eating and sleeping needs, if we get outside a lot, if I'm involved (off and on) with their day, if my husband and I are on good terms and we have that 'love buzz' in the back of our minds, if I'm feeling productive and on top of things . . . patience isn't hard! It's when I let my sleep needs go, or I spend too much time on the computer and brush my kids off for too long and the house fall apart etc. that I find it really hard to be patient with their regular small child behavior. Which is really unfair, of course, as they are small children. And of course, if it were easy, everyone would do it! It wouldn't be a goal, it would just happen. So, it brings to light how important it is for me to respect and appreciate my husband and to turn off the computer. And take care of myself. Maybe that should be a goal I add on?
I'm currently reading a book called Good and Angry: Exchanging Frustration for Character …in You and Your Kids!
that talks about parenting and anger. It has many references to the Bible and to God, but past that it also has a good message. Anger is an indicator that something is wrong. It means you need to take a closer look at what's happening, find the root of the problem and deal with it. Getting angry just deals with the symptoms of the problem and does nothing to further a close, positive relationship with your children. Look a little closer and see what can be done. That's as far as I've gotten in the book but stay tuned for more!I've especially been thinking about modesty as I've got a bit of extra money accumulated to buy myself some clothes (at long last!). Why should I dress modestly? Why do others dress modestly? What kind of parameters does modesty have for me? What about swimwear, around my house with the kids or at "dress-up" occasions such as weddings? Do I dress modestly for myself or for others? To make some kind of anti-consumerist or anti-pop culture statement? Once I have reached a few conclusions regarding my own personal set of do's and don'ts, how will I go about integrating them into my wardrobe on a very limited budget?
I've had a lot of questions and I'm just beginning to settle on some answers. In fact, I think it's worth a post all on it's own, so I'll save the rest of my modestly thoughts and discoveries for the next post. Stay tuned!
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