Blog Musing

Why is it so hard to find a blog or a website that talks about femininity in a secular manner? Are Christian women the only ones who value being female? Or is every non-Christian woman a feminist? Can a secular woman be proud of her role as wife, mom and homemaker in non-religious settings? If a non-believer choses to dress modestly and trust her husband completely, does it matter?  Does it mean anything?

This is my blog about my journey in developing characteristics similar to those of a traditional feminine Christian woman (think Titus 2, but I'm not sure I'll go that far), less the Christian part. I think it really says something that I'm unwilling to share this blog with friends or connect it with other blogs I post. I'm not comfortable yet sharing with everyone that I want to be that fifties housewife who depends on her husband, and who's life revolves around caring for him, their children and their home.

And before we go any further, I'd like to say that if you are a Christian and you find this blog offensive in any way, please accept my most sincere apologies.  If anything on here is offensive, please understand I don't mean it to be.  If you love God and live life for Him, I'm so very happy for you.  I just don't have that kind of faith, nor am I prepared to.   So there.  I'm not going to defend myself against becoming a believer, and I certainly won't be doing any bashing of any religion.  I'm not a Christian, and I don't dislike those that are, I just want a blog full of inspiration, ideas and information that doesn't focus on the Bible or God.  I couldn't find one that fit my vision, so, like the Little Red Hen, I'm doing it myself. 

I'm not there yet! I struggle with the usual whining about not having any "Me Time" (which obviously I must have or I wouldn't have time to write this or my other blogs!), resentment about cleaning up after a grown man (although he's not unusually slothenly or careless, just a little oblivious at times) and confusion about whether this is really what I want. I think it is what I want. I mean, I want the ideal happy, sheltered haven for my family, the happy, polite and creative children and a strong loving man that never lets me down. Life just isn't always like that, is all. I'm coming to see a lot of it is about time management and priorities, which seems really pat, but also has a lot of truth.

Why do I want this? If it's not because 'the Bible says', then why? Honestly, I think I want this for many of the same reasons traditional Christian women might. Of course I can't speak for them, nor do I want to make assumptions, but don't all of us do what we feel is right? And if we don't, shouldn't we?

Ever since I was small, I've wanted to be the kind of mom who makes a house a home for her family. And about the same time I came to know this, I also knew that it wasn't something I could share. I felt a lot of pressure to 'be someone', not 'just a mom'. I liked to draw houseplans, so I chose a career as a drafting technologist. Not a good match. So, after a year or two of wondering and helping my family business, I chose a career as Early Childhood Educator. I like kids, I liked making their days better. It was a good match, but all wrong at the same time. I believed that kids belonged at home with their mothers unless absolutely not possible. How could I replace a mother's touch? Every time a child raced gleefully toward her mom at the end of the day, I felt a vague sense of guilt knowing that I didn't love that child as much as her mom did nor did I understand and cherish all her quirks and squeaks. I couldn't make a day better for any child more than a mom could.  I felt like a hypocrite working in a daycare center.

I feel very strongly that children need, above all, to feel loved. That it should be part of their every move. Young children are just learning what love looks like, how it plays out in every day life. Who better to teach a toddler about love than their mom? How could a hired replacement be any kind of substitute? It was with great relief when I became pregnant with my first child and had a 'reason' to stay home. Now, finally, I felt like the life I secretly wanted could begin.

But it didn't all fall into place. Things are getting progressively better, but originally, the enormity of the task of keeping a home tidy AND clean while caring for a newborn was overwhelming. After years of doing dishes when we ran out, or vacuuming when I got time (not often!) and only changing the sheets when I noticed they were dirty, I found it tricky - to say the least - to transform my house into the one of my fantasies. Things are coming along, I've got some basic routines and methods down.  As far as the relationship between my husband and I, well, I had a lot of adjusting to do. And it's only recently that I began to consider surrendering my will. I don't know how else to say it, and it sounds odd (and Christian?!), but I think surrendering my will to his will make our marriage stronger. I've always had rock solid faith in his ability to love me and fight for our relationship and young family. But I want more.

So I've been searching.  Now I think I know what more is.  I just need some inspiration, some role models, and some accountability.  Hence the blog.  I'll be linking up with other posts (secular and non-Christian) that sit well with me.  I'll be posting plans and goals and my progress towards them.  I'm not going to say that I'll provide anyone else with inspiration, but I'd like to think that I'd at least demonstrate a way of life that just might provide a model for a secular someone else.  Or maybe not.  I'll be exploring what it means to be a secular, feminine homemaker in today's mainstream femininist society.  Maybe I'll find some answers to all my questions, some new ways to provide that haven of a home for my family.  Maybe you'll discover all this right along with me.  I hope you do.